a confronting dichotomy.

"a division or contrast between two things that are, or are represented as being opposed or entirely different..."

i have been thinking on this a lot lately. often things in life are one way or the other, they can often be opposing as well. take for example the city of jakarta...

i have been here for over 2 weeks now and it's mind blowing when i think about the separate dichotomy's that i have experienced. here i am walking in the heart of the city, admiring the breathtaking structures that ascend into the sky, then in the blink of an eye, there i am starring into a poverty induced area, barricaded by walls and fences so as not to clutter the beauty of the city streets.

in the midst of being surrounded by such opposing sides i find myself drawn. but not to just one side alone, i find myself drawn in fact to the people, the people who find themselves situated on one of these two sides.

i am in love. in love with the faces, the gestures, the movements, the longings, the desires, and so much more that i have witnessed in my time here. i am in love with the beauty that God's children posses, the things that mold and shape them to be who they are. there is a desire awakening within me to respond...respond to the cry, the call, the smile, the pain, the joy, the laughter, the felt need, the eternal need. how does one respond? to be honest that i am still working out...

i am reminded of the story of the "Good Samaritan" (Luke 10:25-36). i have been confronted with the fact that so many times i fall into the role of one of the first two people, crossing the path of the injured man lying beaten and bruised by robbers who stripped him of all he had and left him in the road. i too often find myself quickly passing by without even a second look let alone a second thought. i long to respond with the actions of the "Good Samaritan", so why don't i?

i am coming to realize more and more that not only like the city of jakarta and many others with their confronting dichotomies, there is an ongoing dichotomy that i am having to battle daily, it is that of my flesh and my spirit. i am faced with that of my flesh which desires what is contrary to my spirit, and my spirit desiring that which is contrary to my flesh...both opposing one another (Galatians 5:16-17). because of my love for God, my desire is to be led by the spirit, but in choosing that i am constantly confronted with and in conflict with the opposite. it is an ongoing challenge, but one that i choose to fight daily and know that in the end "all things God works for the good of those who love him..." (Romans 8:28).

*pictures will come soon....*

darjak diaries - entry #3

the word on the street...

in the city of darwin there's a "buzz" in the air that's never been heard before, one that speaks of dynamic fun, exciting adventures and crazy epxperience. it's that of the youth awakening to a new phenomena. what could this be you may be asking yourself? it's something that has them coming back for more, wishing saturday was EVERY day of the week, and that they could chill with the guys in the cool black shirts non- stop. it's the "buzz" of youth street darwin my friends, taking over the city.

we are about to have our 5th saturday in a row now and the crew are addicted! they just can't get enough. we have seen numbers increase week after week. we had 24 in total for youth street teams this past week and over 30 come for youth street live! we are of course praying that numbers will yet again increase this week.

along with all this excitement i do have some sad news... this will be our last saturday in darwin as an outreach team. we have LOVED our time here , chillin with the youth of the city, going into high schools , doing lunchtime programs jam packed with music, skate, and building relationships. for all you out there who may be wondering " what about youth street?", well don't fret my friends. youth street will be kicking off full time in darwin when February 2009 rolls around. so get excited and stick around, who knows when youth street may be coming to a town near YOU!

a piece of god....

just recently i was asked this question..."when haunted by restlessness and anxiety at the thought of working through a circumstance mirroring you, is there peace to be found?" granted it was worded a bit differently, but an interesting question just the same. what would you have said?

i am coming to believe that the answer to this question is yes.

now, had you asked me this just a few days ago i would have laughed at you. it's amazing how quickly god responds to our heart's cry. i found myself in a very similar situation, faced with a circumstance that required me to remain calm and put forward a peaceful response. i wish i could tell you that i did in fact respond that way, but to the other person's shock i did not.

i think the peace of god is laced with trust. it seems as though it is near impossible to find the peace of god in a circumstance if you are not willing to trust him. when i was making one of the most important decisions of my life (thus far) this past year i was needing the peace of god, even though i didn't realize it at first. of course hindsight is 20/20 isn't it? i look back now and see so clearly. as i began to trust god with my circumstance whole heartedly without reserve, it was then that his peace came over me and i was able to face that decision head on, knowing that no matter what the outcome i was completely trusting god.

when staring into the mirror of circumstance yourself, what would your response be?

to be loved....

just a little something i have been thinking about lately.....

the desire to be loved comes from a place deep within one's being. a place where not many venture for fear of finding what they always knew, what they always felt...emptiness.

yet it's not until you venture to the deepest parts that you can find the cure for the pain. it's not until you let the wound breathe can it heal. it's not until you open the door that anyone can walk through.

darjak diaries - entry #2

kick it off with a BANG!...

its saturday, the music's pumping, the energy level's high and excitement fills the air. it's the day that youth street kicks off in darwin nt for the first time ever! not sure of how many crew ( a cool "tag" we give the youth) to expect having been able to do only three days of promo prior, we await anxiously.

with near 23 youth street staff, thanks to the reef to outback back base in darwin and current DTS that's running we make an unstoppable force. crew start to arrive and we see 9 come in total, in the mix we had a few sport fanatics along with a skater and a few musos. this was of course GREAT considering those are the three teams we are running for this youth street connect.

because it was the first day of youth street in darwin we wanted to kick it off with a BANG! so we decided to have what we call a "together factor". which basically brings all the crew together for a few face melting hours of extravagant fun! we decided to run the first ever "battle of the gladiators" to test one's skill, accuracy and stamina.

needless to say friends, this day went OFF! we had crew raving about the day , the staff, the games, the snags (cooked by yours truly) and set on bringing ALL their friends next week. it was amazing to see the youth get right into it, there was no room for passivity or boredom this week that's for sure!

darjak diaries...

entry #1 - mere beginnings...


8 people pack their bags full of what little belongings they have with the goal of achieving a call greater than themselves. they hit the road filled with a desperate passion to see aussie youth changed by the heart of god, and through love, bring hope to a generation that needs it most.

3 days, 30 hours, 16 pit stops, 120 pieces of chocolate, 450 something songs, and 0 arguments later they arrive at their destination. shaking off the cobwebs of the many hours past with closed eye's, they step out onto a sun-scorched land that is not their own. vision clear, and hearts on fire, they begin the journey god's laid out for them, not sure of what awaits around the corner but ready to take on whatever lies ahead...

opposites attract...

what is the opposite of giving up?

to Persevere...

question then, what does it mean to persevere?

“to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success...”

if we were to be, search our heart honest with ourselves, how many of us can say with full certainty that we persevere? there certainly have been times when I look back on my 25 years of life thus far that I can say, “YES” to that question. but, most of the time I know that I ran in the opposite direction when faced with a trial that required me to press on.

i have been surprised in such a confronting manner by a young lady who of late has taken a place in my heart so large that at times i wonder how much space i have left for anything else. she has impressed to me whether she is aware of this or not, so many attributes of the character of God and his heart for his children that i know i love him more because of her. how has she done this you may ask...

well in it’s simplest form, she loves. she loves with her whole heart not holding anything back even though at times she wants to protect herself, she doesn’t, she lets others in. she laughs, she cries, she ponders, she explores, but she does none of this alone, she takes others on this incredible journey with her. i have seen this woman for months now pursue the father heart of God like i have never before witnessed. she came into my life not knowing what his voice sounded like, or in which direction she was going, not knowing how to love with all her heart, not knowing how to see him, and with so many questions plaguing her. when faced with these thoughts and questions most of us would, like i was saying earlier RUN. when faced with our own thoughts and fears most of us find ourselves moving away from the trial, away from the challenge. but not her. feet firmly planted she stood not wavering, not moving, not shrinking back, she persevered. she continued in her course of action even in the face of difficulty with really no prospect of success other than this small nagging glimmer of HOPE within her heart until finally...

a response.

a vision.

an experience.

purpose, and insight into her father’s heart for his children.

i have never in my life been privileged enough to witness and be a part of something so personal, something so unique that it only makes me want to love God more. and her story in and of itself is enough hope, enough passion to stir my faith for greater things.

eye candy.

so i have just set foot on soil again after 10 hours of flying back to canada from my new best friend in a continent, europe. i have so many loves left behind in that great land, the colors, the smells, the languages, the people, the quaint little antique shops on every corner, the espresso, and the list goes on and on.

paris, london, germany, amsterdam, italy, it doesn't get much better than all that...well if i had the time to see more i suppose it would, but for now this fix will have to hold me until i return one god blessed day. a friend of mine asked me while i was away, "could you live in europe, if so where would you live?" and i believe my response to him was something along the lines of "YES please, but not just ONE place".

i had a special friend on my trip with me, his name is havier and he's a gnome. below are a few shots of his experiences while away.....

travel.

to taste, to see, to smell, to touch, to hear the sounds of a new place...*sigh*

you see there's this innate desire within me to see the world, to experience god's creation in it's natural form. pictures are great, videos fabulous, but to be there in the flesh...priceless.

why am i sharing this with you...well, i get to GO! i am leaving on the 6th of june and my destination is europe, paris is the first of many stops. my parents are currently living in heiden germany, they moved there at the beginning of the year because of a job promotion my dad was offered and so i am on my way to visit.

i will be flying from sydney to vancouver canada, then on to paris, then germany, and from there many other destinations, some of which are remaining a surprise. but, just when you might think it stops there, oh no! i am then flying from germany back to vancouver to celebrate my quarter century birthday in july with all my family and friends...that's right 25 years old.

the countdown is on, i leave in 12 days and absolutely cannot wait to go. i will be gone just over a month and of course i will miss this wonderful sunburnt land but the trip is much anticipated.

if you want to hear more about these travels continue to check back, i will be updating regularly while i'm venturing off in an exciting new land...

there's someone i'd like you to meet...

his name is stephen john bryde.
you may be asking yourself, "why does she want us to meet him?" well the reason for this introduction is because he plays a very important role in my life. not only is he rapidly becoming my best friend and close confidant, he's also a kick up the butt or slap in the face when i'm selfish or stubborn. he's a warm embrace when i'm lonely, or hurting, he's a strength when i'm weak, he's a shoulder to cry on when i'm sad, or a smile and full of joy when i'm happy. he's an inspiration through his creativity and vast knowledge and love for design, languages, music, other cultures and nations. he's also so much more that i have yet to experience....

he's my boyfriend.

we have been through a lot in our relationship thus far but it is a journey that i wouldn't trade for anything. thanks stephen for just being you.

heart prep...

to prepare one’s heart for something...a surgery, an operation, something expected but perhaps something you can never be ready for, there is an excitement, an anticipation that comes on the cusp of something like this. emotions tend to run rampant, similar to a wild horse whose master is trying endlessly to tame, with no sign of progress in sight. yet somehow in the midst of the struggle, in the midst of the battle ragging within, you are oddly aware of this miraculous thing taking place...

you are relaxed, unruffled, shockingly tranquil, the way I would imagine a surgeon would have to be in order to function under the pressure of heart surgery. you are staring the unknown in the face and you are composed...

it’s peculiar because as you ponder for a brief moment previous battle where you observed yourself (in hindsight of course) looking for the first chance to flee and taking that opportunity the moment it presented it self. or the time before that when you fell like a cement block to the battle field beneath your feet in a pile of uncontrollable emotion, leaving not a soul in sight able to console you. as you recall these past acts of weakness and fear, you realize you are no longer that person. you realize that replacing fear and weakness is strength and courage, that where you once ran, now your feet are firmly planted. where you once would stumble and fall you are now soaring on the wings of hope and dreams...even though you are more unsure of the outcome of this battle than you have ever been before, you begin to tread the uncharted ground, sword and shield in hand, heart prepped for what lays before you...

independent bella.

the thing about bella is she’s unique. a feisty, lively little fishy who won’t take no for an answer. from the very first day we got her she has always been flippin around and flashing her colors for all to see. full of life this fish is, she had grown quite fond and found genuine delight in her more tame and subtle tank mate, caspian. caspian on the other hand like I began to hint at is the quieter one of the two. very gentleman like, he always waits for bella to enjoy some fishy flakes before he would even begin to venture to the surface himself. he would allow bella, as irritating as it may be to chase him incessantly around the tank with no real purpose other than “play”. 

this morning I came out to my living room to feed my fine friends only to find bella now the only one full of life...to my sad little heart came much sorrow and to my eyes a few tears. you may ask yourself, “how can she cry over a fish?” the thing is, fish as small as they may be are like anything. take for example a favorite article of clothing. there are moments, memories, experiences had by the owner of that garment that brings it to life. it’s the same with caspian. he was a moment, a memory, an experience, full of life and delight and now he is gone. this entry is titled “independent bella” because that remains my question, will bella stay true to her colors and survive independently?

photo taken by: stephen john bryde

define growth...

"the process of developing or maturing physically, mentally, or spiritually."

a question i have been asking myself lately is, "can you ever learn all there is to learn about yourself?" it would appear to me that according to the definition stated above there are three main areas of growth. 

*of course this is based on personal opinion or experience not to be taken too literally*

physically...we are all well aware no matter what age you find yourself right now, we all experience growth and change physically whether we want to or are ready for it or not...this is inevitable.

i was once 3, i am now 24...growth. 

i was once 1 foot tall, i am now 5 foot something...growth.

i was once a girls size 10, i am now a woman's size 14 (of course as a woman this fluctuates...never a happy thought but hey, embrace it right!)...growth.

i think you're getting my point, so let's move on.

mentally...this area of growth requires a bit more of a choice made on our part. we could stay at the learning level of a 6 year old, but as you go through the years that follow that, you still mentally grow even if it's just experience based, still growth. but of course most of us do choose to continue to learn, study and acquire knowledge as we go through elementary school, high school and perhaps college or university, therefore growing mentally along the way.

spiritually...requires choice, and commitment. when i think of spiritual growth, i think of my savior jesus christ. this is a personal one because there are no rules or guidelines for spiritual growth. you can have as much or as little as you desire. i know that since i started pursuing a relationship with christ i have grown in so many ways, mostly in my character. i heard something just recently that i have really taken on as truth...let's say i want to grow in patience, a challenging one for most of us. anyway it goes something like this...when we ask god for patience he doesn't just give it to us, he presents us with an opportunity to be patient...what are your thoughts?

their stories...

it’s early saturday morning. the sun is rising, the horses are running wild in the yard nearby and young vibrant darcy, no more than 5 years 6 months, awakens to an empty house. her mother didn’t return home last night after her grandmother so graciously tucked her into bed and she has never known the man her mother cries over day in, day out. she has siblings, but doesn’t see them much, they are always out running ‘a muck’ with their friends. darcy has never known true love, she has hardly experienced the joy and tenderness a small hug can bring, or the pride  and comfort that comes when encouraged over a mere color pencil drawing made at school. but growing up in an impoverished culture has not tainted this young one’s spirit in the least, she is full of life  and full of dreams. this is one girls story...

robert awakens to a dark hot room with this gripping fear that his nightmare which took place the previous evening is more than just a nightmare. quickly he is brought back to reality by the tall dark figure standing in the doorway, his father yelling over him. yet he only sees his lips moving, he hears no noise...robert is deaf. he has never heard the trickle of the rain as it falls from the rooftop, or the laughs and giggles from his playmates at school, he has never heard the words 'i love you'. as his father firmly grips his arm to pull him from the floor in which he sleeps upon, the pain doesn't surprise him, that is the one thing he has always known. the fleeting hope only minuets ago that this could just be a nightmare is robert's reality. this is one boys story...

sunday...

this morning i woke up to another sunday, but the thing is sunday is just not any day. to me sunday is a day of friendship, random events and adventure, no sunday is ever the same. my friends and i have cultivated something truly beautiful that only sunday seems to posses, it's really not something that can be explained to the fullest, it's something that has to be experienced.

after dinner this evening a few of us were just sitting around enjoying the peculiarly delightful townsville weather while sipping on a fine glass of 'cab sav' and laughing when i realized something. i was taking my last sip and peering through my wine glass and it was as though i had new eyes to see...it's so simple, but i was seeing life through a wine glass and it was beautiful. love, life and laughter, what more could one ask for, it was a moment of pure joy for me...a moment of true harmony....