to prepare one’s heart for something...a surgery, an operation, something expected but perhaps something you can never be ready for, there is an excitement, an anticipation that comes on the cusp of something like this. emotions tend to run rampant, similar to a wild horse whose master is trying endlessly to tame, with no sign of progress in sight. yet somehow in the midst of the struggle, in the midst of the battle ragging within, you are oddly aware of this miraculous thing taking place...
you are relaxed, unruffled, shockingly tranquil, the way I would imagine a surgeon would have to be in order to function under the pressure of heart surgery. you are staring the unknown in the face and you are composed...
it’s peculiar because as you ponder for a brief moment previous battle where you observed yourself (in hindsight of course) looking for the first chance to flee and taking that opportunity the moment it presented it self. or the time before that when you fell like a cement block to the battle field beneath your feet in a pile of uncontrollable emotion, leaving not a soul in sight able to console you. as you recall these past acts of weakness and fear, you realize you are no longer that person. you realize that replacing fear and weakness is strength and courage, that where you once ran, now your feet are firmly planted. where you once would stumble and fall you are now soaring on the wings of hope and dreams...even though you are more unsure of the outcome of this battle than you have ever been before, you begin to tread the uncharted ground, sword and shield in hand, heart prepped for what lays before you...
