leaving...

there are so many things that come coupled with this action. it depends on the setting and context which determines the outcome. you may be leaving a party, or even just the room, but as soon as other people are involved one's presence is almost always missed.

i'm starring into the face of leaving something that's just a bit more difficult than exiting a room full of people. i'm leaving a home, a family, and closer than close friendships that i have come to rely on for daily life. i'm walking away from one dream onto the next. how does one even begin to describe how this feels? why do it then you may ask? to be honest at times lately i have even wondered that myself, why would i leave something i love and know and am comfortable doing?

but then i remember Peter. Peter was just a man, a man who while on that boat i'm sure was quite comfortable doing what he knew, what he had loved, fishing. until that night he looked out and saw Jesus walking on the water. full of emotion, fear, excitement, shock, awe, wonder, curiosity, and i'm sure much more he did it...what so many of us long to do so often yet at times fail to. he stepped out of the boat to walk along the water with Jesus. in faith, pure, honest faith (and hope) he took that step. that's why i'm leaving, to take that step of courage, to go wherever, to trust, to grow, to see new things and face new challenges. it hurts yes, but i'm trusting that the pain is worth it...

a perfect proposal...

on a cold winter's morn, the eve before christmas she awoke feeling as though there was something special in the air. she couldn't quite put her finger on it so she wrote it off as christmas "fuzzies" and went on to enjoy the day.

a little later that morning her parents told her and her boyfriend that as a christmas gift they had bought them two tickets for a wine tour at a beautiful winery on the local mountain for later that afternoon. she knew this was a great idea and was so excited she couldn't wait for the time to come.

around 1pm that afternoon they were dropped off at the winery to enjoy the aromas and tastes of so many world renown canadain wines. the tour was amazing and with the snow covered ground it was a beautiful afternoon. nearing the end of the tour it came time to taste the wine. elizabeth their tour guide had four wines out to taste each one very specific and delicious. not a moment later elizabeth began to say that it was a "special" tour this day because there was an australian with them, so they were going to taste a "special" wine. she went on to say that this australian gentleman (her boyfriend) had something that he wanted to say and winked at him.

she was turned toward him as he proceeded to tell her that..."since the day he told her he loved her, he knew that she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with". he then bent down on one knee, pulled out the most PERFECT ring she had ever seen and asked those four precious words she had been longing to hear..."will you marry me?" as it all set in she realized she needed to respond, and so of course she said "yeah"! they embraced and he placed the ring on her finger. her parents then entered the room from where they had been watching with two dozen long stemmed pink roses! they were all able to taste the wine and then for the next half hour snap photos so they would be abel to remember the most...."perfect proposal".

a confronting dichotomy.

"a division or contrast between two things that are, or are represented as being opposed or entirely different..."

i have been thinking on this a lot lately. often things in life are one way or the other, they can often be opposing as well. take for example the city of jakarta...

i have been here for over 2 weeks now and it's mind blowing when i think about the separate dichotomy's that i have experienced. here i am walking in the heart of the city, admiring the breathtaking structures that ascend into the sky, then in the blink of an eye, there i am starring into a poverty induced area, barricaded by walls and fences so as not to clutter the beauty of the city streets.

in the midst of being surrounded by such opposing sides i find myself drawn. but not to just one side alone, i find myself drawn in fact to the people, the people who find themselves situated on one of these two sides.

i am in love. in love with the faces, the gestures, the movements, the longings, the desires, and so much more that i have witnessed in my time here. i am in love with the beauty that God's children posses, the things that mold and shape them to be who they are. there is a desire awakening within me to respond...respond to the cry, the call, the smile, the pain, the joy, the laughter, the felt need, the eternal need. how does one respond? to be honest that i am still working out...

i am reminded of the story of the "Good Samaritan" (Luke 10:25-36). i have been confronted with the fact that so many times i fall into the role of one of the first two people, crossing the path of the injured man lying beaten and bruised by robbers who stripped him of all he had and left him in the road. i too often find myself quickly passing by without even a second look let alone a second thought. i long to respond with the actions of the "Good Samaritan", so why don't i?

i am coming to realize more and more that not only like the city of jakarta and many others with their confronting dichotomies, there is an ongoing dichotomy that i am having to battle daily, it is that of my flesh and my spirit. i am faced with that of my flesh which desires what is contrary to my spirit, and my spirit desiring that which is contrary to my flesh...both opposing one another (Galatians 5:16-17). because of my love for God, my desire is to be led by the spirit, but in choosing that i am constantly confronted with and in conflict with the opposite. it is an ongoing challenge, but one that i choose to fight daily and know that in the end "all things God works for the good of those who love him..." (Romans 8:28).

*pictures will come soon....*