the end of 'grasping at perfection'...

it's true that parting is such sweet sorrow...but alas, there's no need for tears friends. the fact is that this blog is no more.

i would love for you to continue following my writing's along with much more at:

www.amandaandstephen.com

cheer's friends!

last song...

i'm sad to say friends that as i sit here and type this there's a little bird out on our patio that is literally singing it's last song. he's attempting to hop around while getting out his final notes. doesn't that just break your heart?

we've tried feeding him, giving him water (i've taken to calling it a 'him'), encouraging him to fly and nothing. he isn't to our eye physically hurt and yet there he is singing his sad song and breaking my heart.

it's reminding me how fragile life can be, we never know what each day holds, i feel as a little child might as i say a quick prayer for our little birdy friend, and hold onto hope for his tomorrow.

i hope this isn't to heartbreaking, just honest. sleep well dear friends, until tomorrow...

the leading role.

some mornings i wake and say to myself "okay here we go, you can do it amanda..."  i strip off the sheets, turn to place my feet on the ground and push off.  "will today be just like yesterday?" maybe that's a good thing, there are those of us who truly enjoy the 'routine' of each day...

i'm reminded of Harold Crick in the movie Stranger than Fiction, he most certainly enjoyed the routine, he loved doing things the same way it was safe, consistent he could rely on that...until it was thrown a bit. as the movie unfolds Harold learns that he's the Main character, the leading role in his LIFE. he realizes that he wants to fight to stay alive, that each day holds something different, something new and he wanted to find out what happens. 

we each play the leading role in our lives, will you let someone else write or dictate your character for you, or will you take part in the unfolding of your mystery? today is not just any other day...

San Francisco...

you know what i just love?

i love the feeling of being around people that you haven't seen for a long time and it's like you were never apart! things just 'click' again, they ebb and flow together as though things were always that way.  it's like coming home but you're somewhere you've never been before, seeing things your eyes have yet to see, having conversations you have never had, and still it's familiar. i love that feeling.

many of you know this already but Stephen and i were just down in San Francisco for a week! our main purpose in going down was to see our great friends the Haythorpe's and Miss Morgan Hirning, as if that wasn't enough we were pleasantly surprised to find even more!

we spent most of our time in the heart of the city, the 'tenderloin'. where we were able to stay at the YWAM base, which was a huge blessing and heaps of fun! we had such a wonderful time exploring the city, seeing some of the sights, and experiencing the locals. we were also able to spend a few days in San Jose as well, which we just loved!

the best part about the whole trip is two fold, we were able to spend so much time with our friends, re-connect and continue to dream together about the ministry we are starting, Ember Ink. we were also able to really grasp more of God's heart for us as a couple and what he's calling us to! needless to say our trip was GREAT and we look forward to being back there again in the near future...

please stay tuned for photos and much more about the ministry to come...

rose between two thorns.

just the other day i was lucky enough to stumble across some hidden treasure. smothered between a shop called "all things glass" (selling shower doors, front doors, windows, literally all things glass) and a run down bottle depo was a lovely little bookshop.

so of course taking into consideration my love of books and the urge to follow in Curious George's footsteps i ventured inside.

do you have as much as an obsession for books and quaint little bookshops as i do?

well, to my delight "The Pandosy Bookshelf" did not disappoint. i am on a poetry kick right now and i was able to track down some of what i was looking for. i have really enjoyed john keats lately. i found the cutest little book with some of his writings.

"poetry soothes and emboldens the soul to speak boldly..."

nerves a flutter...

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breathe in, breathe out...four words run circles in my mind this morning as i look out over the lake upon this new day, i feel as Danielle De Barbarac did in one of my favorite movies from adolescence "ever after", cheesy i know but i'm willing to accept that. i love the part when she climbs the steps to the ball and she's dressed in this enchanting outfit, looking as lovely as ever and the words she mumbles to herself in order to try and attain even the smallest amount of nerves are, "just breathe".

today is a new day, to look upon it with such awe and fear in hopes of making the most of it, well it's an exciting feeling. oh and today flowers are on my mind...

a whole new world.

so today i walked into a store that i used to enter quite frequently with my mother as a child. the ironic thing is that i can remember taking the stance of disheartened child and whining the whole time making the experience quite painful for my mother. the thing is, at that age clearly i didn't understand the world that i had entered while holding my mother's hand. but today...today was different.

it was as though i was seeing it for the first time. as i stood in awe trying to take in all the beautiful patterns, colors and textures i was a little overwhelmed to be honest. the bottons and thread were to my left, the scissors, needles and other accessories were on my right and layed out before me were bolts and bolts of fabric...i'm sure you've gathered by now that the world i entered was that of "fabricland".

i have wanted to learn for a few years now how to sew and i have finally made the decision that i'm going to take the time to do just that. i have quite a few things that i wish to create and perhaps eventually sell so keep your eyes peeled for handmade goodies!

4 months...

...to the very day has it been, since i have made a post on my blog. i have become quite the excuse maker these days, reasons not to do things like this...laundry, work, cooking, cleaning, friends, etc, etc, etc. all good things, but not reason enough to no longer use words to express myself.

why am i writing about my failings, well i guess in a small way as a means of accountability, to whom i'm not sure, the digital world i suppose. i'm not making any kind of vow or resolution, we all know how most of those end up, but i am just starting again. giving it another go, let's see where it ends up shall we?

and so it begins...more appropriately, continues.

inspiration.

i would consider myself a creative person, often inspired by many things. the beauty in creation, things i see in people, things i create, things i read , music i listen to, God, anything really.

lately though i have found myself "creatively constipated". a funny way of putting it, but quite honestly that's how it feels. anytime i go to write, or draw, or listen, or even deliberately open my eyes to see, it's like nothing comes. i try but, nothing.

so the other day i started asking this question, what inspires?

i came across this scripture today...

"All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: that the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works." ~2 Tim 3:16-17

God inspires. at least i realized in that moment once again what i already knew, that ultimately it's God who inspires me, because in all those things that i find inspiration and can respond creatively to, it's because God has revealed something to me.

am i still "creatively constipated"? i guess we'll see....

*Photo taken by Sophia Dorozio

distance.

well friends, as you can see it's been a while since i last wrote something for my blog. why you may wonder? well i have been going through a HEAP of change the past few months. now change is no reason not to write, so i apologize for being so "distant".

but i'm back, living in canada now with the most amazing man in the world...stephen john bryde, my husband! yup, i was married this summer and it's wonderful being married, challenging, confronting, full of love, wonderful.

so anyway...i'm back and no longer keeping a distance.

*if you are interested in reading about our wedding day or seeing wedding photos you can check out... www.amandaandstephen.com (click on "news" and there you go!)

leaving...

there are so many things that come coupled with this action. it depends on the setting and context which determines the outcome. you may be leaving a party, or even just the room, but as soon as other people are involved one's presence is almost always missed.

i'm starring into the face of leaving something that's just a bit more difficult than exiting a room full of people. i'm leaving a home, a family, and closer than close friendships that i have come to rely on for daily life. i'm walking away from one dream onto the next. how does one even begin to describe how this feels? why do it then you may ask? to be honest at times lately i have even wondered that myself, why would i leave something i love and know and am comfortable doing?

but then i remember Peter. Peter was just a man, a man who while on that boat i'm sure was quite comfortable doing what he knew, what he had loved, fishing. until that night he looked out and saw Jesus walking on the water. full of emotion, fear, excitement, shock, awe, wonder, curiosity, and i'm sure much more he did it...what so many of us long to do so often yet at times fail to. he stepped out of the boat to walk along the water with Jesus. in faith, pure, honest faith (and hope) he took that step. that's why i'm leaving, to take that step of courage, to go wherever, to trust, to grow, to see new things and face new challenges. it hurts yes, but i'm trusting that the pain is worth it...

a perfect proposal...

on a cold winter's morn, the eve before christmas she awoke feeling as though there was something special in the air. she couldn't quite put her finger on it so she wrote it off as christmas "fuzzies" and went on to enjoy the day.

a little later that morning her parents told her and her boyfriend that as a christmas gift they had bought them two tickets for a wine tour at a beautiful winery on the local mountain for later that afternoon. she knew this was a great idea and was so excited she couldn't wait for the time to come.

around 1pm that afternoon they were dropped off at the winery to enjoy the aromas and tastes of so many world renown canadain wines. the tour was amazing and with the snow covered ground it was a beautiful afternoon. nearing the end of the tour it came time to taste the wine. elizabeth their tour guide had four wines out to taste each one very specific and delicious. not a moment later elizabeth began to say that it was a "special" tour this day because there was an australian with them, so they were going to taste a "special" wine. she went on to say that this australian gentleman (her boyfriend) had something that he wanted to say and winked at him.

she was turned toward him as he proceeded to tell her that..."since the day he told her he loved her, he knew that she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with". he then bent down on one knee, pulled out the most PERFECT ring she had ever seen and asked those four precious words she had been longing to hear..."will you marry me?" as it all set in she realized she needed to respond, and so of course she said "yeah"! they embraced and he placed the ring on her finger. her parents then entered the room from where they had been watching with two dozen long stemmed pink roses! they were all able to taste the wine and then for the next half hour snap photos so they would be abel to remember the most...."perfect proposal".

a confronting dichotomy.

"a division or contrast between two things that are, or are represented as being opposed or entirely different..."

i have been thinking on this a lot lately. often things in life are one way or the other, they can often be opposing as well. take for example the city of jakarta...

i have been here for over 2 weeks now and it's mind blowing when i think about the separate dichotomy's that i have experienced. here i am walking in the heart of the city, admiring the breathtaking structures that ascend into the sky, then in the blink of an eye, there i am starring into a poverty induced area, barricaded by walls and fences so as not to clutter the beauty of the city streets.

in the midst of being surrounded by such opposing sides i find myself drawn. but not to just one side alone, i find myself drawn in fact to the people, the people who find themselves situated on one of these two sides.

i am in love. in love with the faces, the gestures, the movements, the longings, the desires, and so much more that i have witnessed in my time here. i am in love with the beauty that God's children posses, the things that mold and shape them to be who they are. there is a desire awakening within me to respond...respond to the cry, the call, the smile, the pain, the joy, the laughter, the felt need, the eternal need. how does one respond? to be honest that i am still working out...

i am reminded of the story of the "Good Samaritan" (Luke 10:25-36). i have been confronted with the fact that so many times i fall into the role of one of the first two people, crossing the path of the injured man lying beaten and bruised by robbers who stripped him of all he had and left him in the road. i too often find myself quickly passing by without even a second look let alone a second thought. i long to respond with the actions of the "Good Samaritan", so why don't i?

i am coming to realize more and more that not only like the city of jakarta and many others with their confronting dichotomies, there is an ongoing dichotomy that i am having to battle daily, it is that of my flesh and my spirit. i am faced with that of my flesh which desires what is contrary to my spirit, and my spirit desiring that which is contrary to my flesh...both opposing one another (Galatians 5:16-17). because of my love for God, my desire is to be led by the spirit, but in choosing that i am constantly confronted with and in conflict with the opposite. it is an ongoing challenge, but one that i choose to fight daily and know that in the end "all things God works for the good of those who love him..." (Romans 8:28).

*pictures will come soon....*

darjak diaries - entry #3

the word on the street...

in the city of darwin there's a "buzz" in the air that's never been heard before, one that speaks of dynamic fun, exciting adventures and crazy epxperience. it's that of the youth awakening to a new phenomena. what could this be you may be asking yourself? it's something that has them coming back for more, wishing saturday was EVERY day of the week, and that they could chill with the guys in the cool black shirts non- stop. it's the "buzz" of youth street darwin my friends, taking over the city.

we are about to have our 5th saturday in a row now and the crew are addicted! they just can't get enough. we have seen numbers increase week after week. we had 24 in total for youth street teams this past week and over 30 come for youth street live! we are of course praying that numbers will yet again increase this week.

along with all this excitement i do have some sad news... this will be our last saturday in darwin as an outreach team. we have LOVED our time here , chillin with the youth of the city, going into high schools , doing lunchtime programs jam packed with music, skate, and building relationships. for all you out there who may be wondering " what about youth street?", well don't fret my friends. youth street will be kicking off full time in darwin when February 2009 rolls around. so get excited and stick around, who knows when youth street may be coming to a town near YOU!

a piece of god....

just recently i was asked this question..."when haunted by restlessness and anxiety at the thought of working through a circumstance mirroring you, is there peace to be found?" granted it was worded a bit differently, but an interesting question just the same. what would you have said?

i am coming to believe that the answer to this question is yes.

now, had you asked me this just a few days ago i would have laughed at you. it's amazing how quickly god responds to our heart's cry. i found myself in a very similar situation, faced with a circumstance that required me to remain calm and put forward a peaceful response. i wish i could tell you that i did in fact respond that way, but to the other person's shock i did not.

i think the peace of god is laced with trust. it seems as though it is near impossible to find the peace of god in a circumstance if you are not willing to trust him. when i was making one of the most important decisions of my life (thus far) this past year i was needing the peace of god, even though i didn't realize it at first. of course hindsight is 20/20 isn't it? i look back now and see so clearly. as i began to trust god with my circumstance whole heartedly without reserve, it was then that his peace came over me and i was able to face that decision head on, knowing that no matter what the outcome i was completely trusting god.

when staring into the mirror of circumstance yourself, what would your response be?

to be loved....

just a little something i have been thinking about lately.....

the desire to be loved comes from a place deep within one's being. a place where not many venture for fear of finding what they always knew, what they always felt...emptiness.

yet it's not until you venture to the deepest parts that you can find the cure for the pain. it's not until you let the wound breathe can it heal. it's not until you open the door that anyone can walk through.

darjak diaries - entry #2

kick it off with a BANG!...

its saturday, the music's pumping, the energy level's high and excitement fills the air. it's the day that youth street kicks off in darwin nt for the first time ever! not sure of how many crew ( a cool "tag" we give the youth) to expect having been able to do only three days of promo prior, we await anxiously.

with near 23 youth street staff, thanks to the reef to outback back base in darwin and current DTS that's running we make an unstoppable force. crew start to arrive and we see 9 come in total, in the mix we had a few sport fanatics along with a skater and a few musos. this was of course GREAT considering those are the three teams we are running for this youth street connect.

because it was the first day of youth street in darwin we wanted to kick it off with a BANG! so we decided to have what we call a "together factor". which basically brings all the crew together for a few face melting hours of extravagant fun! we decided to run the first ever "battle of the gladiators" to test one's skill, accuracy and stamina.

needless to say friends, this day went OFF! we had crew raving about the day , the staff, the games, the snags (cooked by yours truly) and set on bringing ALL their friends next week. it was amazing to see the youth get right into it, there was no room for passivity or boredom this week that's for sure!

darjak diaries...

entry #1 - mere beginnings...


8 people pack their bags full of what little belongings they have with the goal of achieving a call greater than themselves. they hit the road filled with a desperate passion to see aussie youth changed by the heart of god, and through love, bring hope to a generation that needs it most.

3 days, 30 hours, 16 pit stops, 120 pieces of chocolate, 450 something songs, and 0 arguments later they arrive at their destination. shaking off the cobwebs of the many hours past with closed eye's, they step out onto a sun-scorched land that is not their own. vision clear, and hearts on fire, they begin the journey god's laid out for them, not sure of what awaits around the corner but ready to take on whatever lies ahead...

opposites attract...

what is the opposite of giving up?

to Persevere...

question then, what does it mean to persevere?

“to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success...”

if we were to be, search our heart honest with ourselves, how many of us can say with full certainty that we persevere? there certainly have been times when I look back on my 25 years of life thus far that I can say, “YES” to that question. but, most of the time I know that I ran in the opposite direction when faced with a trial that required me to press on.

i have been surprised in such a confronting manner by a young lady who of late has taken a place in my heart so large that at times i wonder how much space i have left for anything else. she has impressed to me whether she is aware of this or not, so many attributes of the character of God and his heart for his children that i know i love him more because of her. how has she done this you may ask...

well in it’s simplest form, she loves. she loves with her whole heart not holding anything back even though at times she wants to protect herself, she doesn’t, she lets others in. she laughs, she cries, she ponders, she explores, but she does none of this alone, she takes others on this incredible journey with her. i have seen this woman for months now pursue the father heart of God like i have never before witnessed. she came into my life not knowing what his voice sounded like, or in which direction she was going, not knowing how to love with all her heart, not knowing how to see him, and with so many questions plaguing her. when faced with these thoughts and questions most of us would, like i was saying earlier RUN. when faced with our own thoughts and fears most of us find ourselves moving away from the trial, away from the challenge. but not her. feet firmly planted she stood not wavering, not moving, not shrinking back, she persevered. she continued in her course of action even in the face of difficulty with really no prospect of success other than this small nagging glimmer of HOPE within her heart until finally...

a response.

a vision.

an experience.

purpose, and insight into her father’s heart for his children.

i have never in my life been privileged enough to witness and be a part of something so personal, something so unique that it only makes me want to love God more. and her story in and of itself is enough hope, enough passion to stir my faith for greater things.

eye candy.

so i have just set foot on soil again after 10 hours of flying back to canada from my new best friend in a continent, europe. i have so many loves left behind in that great land, the colors, the smells, the languages, the people, the quaint little antique shops on every corner, the espresso, and the list goes on and on.

paris, london, germany, amsterdam, italy, it doesn't get much better than all that...well if i had the time to see more i suppose it would, but for now this fix will have to hold me until i return one god blessed day. a friend of mine asked me while i was away, "could you live in europe, if so where would you live?" and i believe my response to him was something along the lines of "YES please, but not just ONE place".

i had a special friend on my trip with me, his name is havier and he's a gnome. below are a few shots of his experiences while away.....